Minnits - 8 February 2003
Posted on 8th February 2003
h3. Minnits of the Compsoc Intelligence Agency, 8th February, 2003
This is a class 1 top secret document, for viewing only by those with alpha level clearance. If you do not have this clearance, please hand this document and yourself over to the nearest authority for brainwas^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hdebriefing.
All names have been changed to protect identities.
* Assistant Director Whiney
* Agent Squirrel
* Chief TOSA Galloway
* Agent Stoned
* Minimum Otter, Civilian Consult
* Bucket the janitor
To be brainwashed :
* Director Layme
* Agent Crunchy
* Agent Moodreeb
Agent Moodreeb admitted to being lame and deserting his newsletter duties. Consequently Whiney was put in charge of dispatch and, predictably got it wrong. There was a spate of internal confusion concerning timings with respect to the upcoming LAN, and signups were not opened. Chief TOSA to correct the problem; Agents Moodreeb and Assistant Director Whiney to be brainwashed.
h4. Double Agent
It has come to the attention of the Internal Affairs division that our organisation may contain a mole. Audio monitoring equipment located within an as yes undisclosed agent's office have enabled us to extract only a few details so far from small exerpts of conversation between the agent and his secretary. A device known only as "The Sausage" is believed to represent a potential threat to our efforts, though teams sent to search the office have turned up empty. The Sausage is believed to exist on a almost microscopic level, often several minutes of conversation being recorded at once with comments like "Is that it?", "No, that's just a hair". We believe this is how it has avoided our detection thus far.
A Black Ops team, designation Meatgrinder has been dispatched to find the Sausage, "encouraging" the agent to give it up if necessary, and return it to base for further study.
Our regular platform for corrupting society membership and spreading our own special whorage viruses is booked in to the usual LIB 1+2, 7pm Friday to 10pm Sunday. Tournaments will be made mandatory, all those not participating shall be moved to the anime/lameass end of the room. Whiney believes Agent Crunchy ordered speakers, but if this is not the case Crunchy is to return to acquisitions, complete the order and report for brainwashing.
Our African branch has been able to track down some specialist equipment that has been on the marketing department's budget requests for quite some time now. Whilst they have been unable to locate the "White" version, the Technical department, under Agent Stoned, feel confident that the necessary modifications can be made with a pot of simple household paint, and the "grey" model we have acquired can be sufficiently converted for our needs.
Agent Crunchy to arrange for transport through special diplomatic channels and expenses to be reimbursed.
Whiney decided to hold his graphical tutorials Wednesday 2-3, weeks 7, 8 and 9 which he will book himself. Bucket to chase Layme for the slides from the last perl tutorials (taking special care to pry them from his cold, dead hands).
h4. Silencing Noisy Dave
Minimum Otter complained that Noisy Dave was conducting himself in a loud and antisocial manner at gaming sessions. Whilst we would not normally care about the concerns of members, we believe this is a good opportunity to put to use the duct tape he persists in supplying at LANs. The exec present at the meeting, not wishing to touch him with a 10 foot pole decided that Agent Crunchy could take care of this.
LaserQuest to go ahead as planned this Wednesday, all those going to meet in the vicinity of Rootes reception at 2:30, commandeer the nearest public transport and proceed to shoot each other lots. Karting has been abandoned due to lack of interest and time, although bowling will still go ahead, all exec members being forced to go or face brainwashing.
h4. Formal Declaration of War
It was noted that there has been a new society recently come into being, allegedly named 'Stop the War'. We feel it is our duty as CIA members to prevent such propaganda from becoming institutional and adversely affecting our arms sales. A vote was nearly taken, and it was decided to formally declare war on this society. Black ops team designation Hippieslayer to begin undermining their efforts immediately.
h4. Hat Purge
An anonymous tipoff was left in the minnits pad, informing us that 'You will never be rid of the jingly hat of DOOM'. It was decided to rise to the challenge, and an immediate hat purge has come into effect. All members of staff caught either wearing a hat or making any noise that could be identified as jingling are to report to the brainwashing division for 'bell removal'.
The brainwashing department has complained that it's workload has tripled since Agent Squirrel took over the duties of Secretary. The entire staff of the brainwashing department to be brainwashed and replaced with a group of trained monkeys, or failing that, some of the membership.
h4. END OF FILE
As per usual CIA protocol, you are required to consume this message once you are finished reading, which will then self-destruct in 10 seconds.
No animals were harmed in the making of these minnits.